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UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home

A weekly Star Trek podcast, discussing every single episode of the series in order, including the original series, the animated series, Next Generation, DS9, Voyager ... you get the idea.
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UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home
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Now displaying: 2016
Dec 21, 2016

im really sick this week so like : we watched an episode that's a moby dick fanfic set during the cold war but also in space. please listen to our good star trek show. we're in the middle of TOS right now, as usual.

next week will probably have no episode. im sorry. its holidays.

this ep was extra-short so there's a lot of errata at the end, enjoy i guess

Dec 14, 2016

The mission to watch all of Star Trek, forever, continues! We're still in the midst of the original series. "The Apple" is a hell of an episode. Get this: it's a bad episode of Trek.

Chelsea is sick and tired, KarnacaCast isn't happening, and SEM is the only person who was paying attention to anything. Chelsea loses it over the medical neglect regarding Vulcan officers. Chekov's gimmick comes into play and it rules. Papier-mâché robot snake cave sets, little orange people, and Kirk experiencing survivor's guilt or something? - it's all here. 

COMPUTER EAT ROCK. IT'S FINE.

Dec 7, 2016

Long Trek Home got trapped in a parallel universe where everyone is evil, but now the hosts have broken through and the editor has finished editing a weeks-old episode. No one's evil on the podcast, but they sure are on Star Trek's "Mirror, Mirror." Which we watched. Back in mid-November. Look ...

This time, mining rights are debated, Starfleet has questionable safety regulations, and we learn that mirror Uhura wears a really dope uniform. Chelsea misuses the word "opsec" but successfully deploys a fast food marketing slogan. SEM points out how many Kirks there have been. It's a good time.

Listen, share, whatever! We love you.

 

Nov 16, 2016

We're back, at last! Sorry for the missed week. A whole host of current events happened, y'all! The schedule resumes as usual now. This week - or last week, technically - we watched the Star Trek: The Original Series episode "The Changeling." This is the one with ... well, a computer blows up again.

Kirk has a beautiful cylindrical son and we learn the true meaning of family, which is: destroy your cylindrical boy with logic before he can hurt you. SEM's wife guest stars with us! 

Also, something happens to Uhura this episode that never gets brought up ever again. That's weird, right? It's super weird.

 

Please enjoy our show. We love you.

Oct 27, 2016

This is a Star Trek podcast. We watched all of TOS season 1. Now we're going to watch season 2.

It has our favorite episodes from season 1, though! We rank them! Please have a nice time!

Thanks.

Oct 18, 2016

We're still watching Star Trek, and this time we've hit the TOS episode "Who Mourns for Adonais?" This is the one with Apollo!

Kirk is a huge Ancient Aliens fan, Chekov rules, a costume requires glue, and we figure out the inspirations behind everything in the show Steven Universe. This is somehow the horniest episode of Trek we've seen yet, and we just did Amok Time. 

 

TALLIES:

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Omnipotent beings: 9

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Other deaths this episode: 0

Others: 49 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 78 + 1 ship

Oct 11, 2016

Chekov is here! Everyone! We made it to Chekov!

Our mission to watch every episode of Star Trek gets even easier with the advent of our good Russian space friend. This time, we watched the first episode of season 2 of the original series, "Amok Time." The is the one with pon farr!

We rejoice in the advent of Chekov, Spock is a grumpy boy who throws his soup, secrets aren't kept for long, Kirk loves space NPR and is up to date with politics, and, oh, yeah, there's a fight to the death and Spock's mad space horny or whatever. No big deal. Did I mention Chekov yet?

TALLIES:

Omnipotent beings: 8

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Other deaths this episode: 0

Others: 49 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 78 + 1 ship

Oct 4, 2016

At last, we've reached our first waypoint - it's the end of season one of Star Trek: The Original series! Our mission continues, but for now, we talk about the episode "Operation: Annihilate!" and all the wonders it contains. This is the one with the giant brain cells!

This time, we fail to meet Kirk's brother, some guy Icaruses himself, there's a whole lot of screaming from the Denevans, and the aliens just love to squeak. Spock gets brutally owned by a wobbly flying pancake, Bones blinds us with science, and Kirk has the least important nephew of all time.

TALLIES

Omnipotent beings: 8

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Other deaths this episode: 2

Others: 49 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 78 + 1 ship

Sep 27, 2016

Our effort to watch all of Star Trek forever continues, and we're finally at that one episode Harlan Ellison wrote for TOS. It's the Hugo award-winning "The City on the Edge of Forever!" This is the one where Bones get blotchy! We're joined by SEM's elusive ghost friend David.

Disclaimer: There's some huge audio issues in this episode. I'm so sorry. I did my best.

Anyway, this time, we discover the links between Trek and Mission Impossible, ponder the implications of the Assassins Creed crossover, think about Clark Gable movies, and appreciate the color coding of the cast's outfits. Bones drugs himself, Spock is obviously Chinese, mnemonic memory devices can be made out of garbage, 

Also, SEM reads our first review out loud because it's very good.

Sep 20, 2016

We're still watching Star Trek: The Original series, and we're almost through season one! This time, we watched "The Alternative Factor." This one doesn't have Drew Barrymore's dad in it! Also, Chelsea's mom guest stars again. Go follow her on Instagram.

This time, a guest on the Enterprise isn't immediately given a uniform, psychedelic visual effects are repeated, and an away team goes down to the surface and back at least three times. This episode isn't very good. Of TOS, I mean. Our podcast is good. Please listen to us and don't ever watch this one (again?) unless you're a completist.

TALLIES

Omnipotent beings: 7

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Others: 45 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 74 + 1 ship

Sep 14, 2016

NOTE: THIS VERSION OF THE EPISODE DOESN'T HAVE ANY INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC. THAT FACT WILL NOT CHANGE. I'M SORRY.

-

We're still watching Star Trek, and you can't stop us! Season one of the original series rolls ever onward with its 26th episode, "Errand of Mercy." This is the one where the Klingons show up!

The Organians are Armenia, the Klingons are the USSR, and the Federation is the US military circa 2003. Kirk and Spock get some great costumes, this episode would make a good video game, and Kor is simultaneously cool and sort of a weird racist caricature. There's a lot to deal with in this one, y'all. 

 

IMPORTANT LINKS:

QWOP 

Friends at the Table

TALLIES

Omnipotent beings: 7

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Others: 45 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 74 + 1 ship

 

Sep 8, 2016

Our quest to watch every single episode of Star Trek ever continues as we shamble toward the close of the first season of the original series. This week, we watched “The Devil In The Dark." This is the one with the lava monster!

 

Redshirts die, misunderstandings are had, and there's a fiery noise. Some rowdy boys with clubs cause a ruckus and Spock mind-melds with a silicon-based life form. Also, we talk chemistry and geology for a while, because what else do you expect?

 

 

Aug 30, 2016

Our quest to watch every single episode of Star Trek ever continues as we shamble toward the close of the first season of the original series. This week, we watched "This Side of Paradise." This is the one where Spock no longer has tfw no gf!

This time, we learn all about Bertold Rays, Spock catches feelings, Spore is a bad video game, and an important fanfiction trope is born. The week's soft focus blonde joneses for Spock for once, McCoy's southern drawl turns it to 11, and Kirk gets into a fist-fight with Spock to save the Enterprise. It's very good.

 

 DEATH TOLLS + MISCELLANY

Omnipotent beings: 6

Crew Deaths: 28 total (7 Gold, 5 Blue, 5 Red, 11 Unknown)

Non-crew Deaths: 43

Total deaths: 71

 

Aug 26, 2016

We watched "A Taste of Armageddon" from Star Trek: The Original Series this week, and then we talked about it! No guests, just right. This is the one with the serious Cold War overtones!

 

Fox is good at diplomacy but bad at being a decent person, Anan 7 has a number in his name, and a 500 year war is waged by computers. No, it doesn't make much sense. It's still pretty great. 

 

updated numbers to be edited in later

Aug 18, 2016

Our endless mission to watch all of Star Trek continues, this time with "Space Seed." This is the episode with Khan!

 McGivers needs to get her act together and get a better writer, some 90's fashion is predicted almost successfully, and Khan is a very good villain. Now imagine him listening to a Jock Jams cassette tape. History is revealed, timelines confused, and Kirk makes some terrible choices.

 

Total Omnipotent Beings Encountered: 6

Total Crew Deaths: 28 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 5, Unknown: 11)

Non-Crew Deaths: 38

Total Deaths: 66

Aug 12, 2016

Hey, it's a Star Trek podcast! We watched The Return of the Archons this week. That's the episode where Spock's got a stylish cloak!

This time, SEM's dad Pete guest stars. Sulu is never the star, things are different in the valley, and what's good for the body is a little puzzling. It is the will of Landru that you will listen to this belated episode.

A note to our listeners: we had to re-record this episode because of a computer crash that ate the first recording. Whoops! It's here now. Shh. It's OK. Next week should be back on track. Hopefully. Maybe?

Death counts/etc will return next week, something went awry.

Aug 3, 2016

Our fifty year voyage to watch every last episode of Star Trek continues apace. This time, we watch "Court Martial," from season one of Star Trek: The Original Series! This is the one with the court martial.

This time, the teaser dares to ask whether or not Kirk will have to be court martialed, the title spoils that he will, and space fashion reigns supreme on Starbase 11. Recusal doesn't exist in space, computers are confusing, and Deep Blue is just a dream in a butterfly's eye. 

Please put Hatsune Miku in Star Trek.

Note: there are some audio issues in this episode.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 6

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 28 (7 gold, 5 blue, 5 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 64

Jul 29, 2016

this is a test

Jul 27, 2016

Our five year mission to watch all of Star Trek continues on apace, this time with the TOS episode "Tomorrow Is Yesterday." This is the one where they time travel again! ... Not the only one.

In this episode, time travel is the best thing to happen to continuity, Kirk is a horny boy, things get rowdy, and Captain John Christopher is not a captain in Starfleet and shouldn't be allowed a uniform. Did we mention how rowdy it gets? Please watch this episode. It really is chicken noodle soup!

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 6

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 28 (7 gold, 5 blue, 5 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 64

 

Jul 20, 2016

Our five hundred year mission to watch all 728 episodes of Star Trek continues with the TOS episode "Arena." This is the one with the gorn!

This time, Chelsea forgets her show notes again, though Memory Alpha saves the day, and we learn way more trivia than usual. Gorn have CGI eyelids, Vasquez Rock guest stars again, and the Metrons get way too many nicknames. Also, Kirk figures out the crafting system way too late in the game.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 6

Crew deaths this episode: 3

Total crew deaths: 28 (7 gold, 5 blue, 5 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 64

Jul 12, 2016

Greetings and felicitations, listeners! Our neverending mission to watch all of Star Trek continues with the Original series episode "The Squire of Gothos." This is the one with the baby Q!

This time, we learn about biomes and ecosystems, Sulu doesn't duel anyone, breaking a mirror doesn't bring bad luck, and your hosts plan a theater production. Also, Kirk plays the most dangerous game and somehow fails to rip his shirt in the process.

And a reminder to subscribe to the show in iTunes, Stitcher, or whatever your favorite podcast-listenin' application is for timely updates because sometimes we forget to update other places?

This, darling, is the Squire of Gothos.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 5

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 25 (6 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 61

Jul 6, 2016

Our five decade mission to watch all of Star Trek continues, with original series episode THE GALILEO SEVEN. This is the one with the giant spears falling from the sky!

 

This week, we learn about quasars and the Folsom point, get sick and tired of Spock's logic, and admire Commissioner Ferris' space fashions. Spears are thrown poorly, half-revealed aliens are less frightening than one might think, and phasers are more powerful than any of us realized.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 3 (2 gold, 1 unknown)

Total crew deaths: 25 (6 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 61

Jun 29, 2016

Our mission to watch every episode of Star Trek continues with TOS episode 15, "Shore Leave!" This is the one with a terrible faux-Irish song! Sorry about this episode's audio quality.

 

Our boys finally get some rest, we meet a new yeoman, and everyone thinks they're hallucinating or something even though they're clearly not. Spock's stuck on the ship for most of the episode because if he wasn't, everyone would have figured out the game much sooner. Sulu fights a samurai, tiger stock footage is rolled out for our amusement, and no one remembers the word "barrows." Also, the white rabbit shows up!

 

ALSO: SEM's mom joins us to discuss the episode AND to discuss a museum exhibit in Seattle, Star Trek: Exploring New Worlds at the Experience Music Project. 

 

The chill cult mentioned in the episode is the Aetherius Society, by the way. (And cult probably isn't the right word.)

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 4

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 22 (4 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 61

Jun 15, 2016

The neverending story continues and we yet endeavor to watch all of Star Trek forever; this week we talk about Balance of Terror, the fourteenth episode of the original series! What hijinks do the crew of the Enterprise get in this week? Hint: this is the one where we first meet the Romulans!

 

This time, we meet the Romulans, an important lesson about space racism is learned, the story is split between our crew and some new friends we demand fanfic about, and . Kirk and a Romulan commander try to outfox each other, and I refuse to make jokes about Spock's dad. They're facile and boring and we shan't sink that low. Also, we pitch a game to Bioware or Bethesda or whoever.

 

Oh Commander! my Commander! our fearful trip is done

 

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 2 [one is a starfleet officer technically not on the ship]

Total crew deaths: 22 (4 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 5

Total deaths: 61

Jun 7, 2016

As we continue our five trillion year voyage to watch all of Star Trek, we end up watching some Shakespeare instead! I mean, we watch Star Trek: The Original Series episode 13, "The Conscience of the King." It's the one where Lady Macbeth is played by Macbeth's daughter!

 

This time, we ponder space hookups, Kirk pulls a Hamlet (but with less eyeliner), no one tells Spock anything so he googles that shit, and also there's a war criminal. Space fashion plays a critical role, and Riley is almost sympathetic for once. Remember, dear listeners: you never go full Ophelia.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 2

Total deaths: 52

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