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UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home

A weekly Star Trek podcast, discussing every single episode of the series in order, including the original series, the animated series, Next Generation, DS9, Voyager ... you get the idea.
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UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home
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Now displaying: 2017
Sep 1, 2017

A spectre is haunting Star Trek: The Original Series season 3 - the Spectre of the Gun. All the powers of the Federation have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Kirk and Spock, human and Vulcan, Klingon and Romulan. 

Where is the federation starship on patrol that has not been waylaid by weird space beings and forced to do gunfights? Where is the federation starship that has not pissed off an alien race so bad those aliens made them hang out on a cobbled-together western set all day, and then had to act like Billy the Kid and other Wild West historical figures? 

The history of all hitherto existing space society is asshole space aliens making shit like this happen. 

Or: Chelsea and SEM discuss "Spectre of the Gun." It's not bad.

Sorry the podcast is super late! Chelsea fell behind in editing.

Aug 17, 2017

chelsea and SEM watch TOS season 3 episode "Is There No Truth In Beauty?"

 

the crew is super horny, an alien lives in a box, and spock wears special glasses. it's OK!

Aug 9, 2017

UPDATE: libsyn did something wrong and originally cut off the ending of this episode. you may need to refresh your feed to get the full version??

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these are some bad kids, folks! chelsea and SEM talk season 3 TOS episode "And The Children Shall Lead," where kids are evil and you can't trust angels. oh, there's also a mass suicide in this one. in space!

Jul 26, 2017

The crew lands on a planet and Kirk promptly falls in a hole and gets amnesia. Chelsea and SEM try to deal with the episode's events as best they can. This time, Long Trek Home discusses the Star Trek TOS season 3 episode "The Paradise Syndrome" ...!

 

It's a weird, weird episode. 

Jul 19, 2017

NOTE: An updated version of this episode was uploaded on 7/19/2017. If you notice voices playing on only one stereo channel, you may need to redownload the episode or refresh your podcast feed to get the corrected version.

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Hey, this episode's pretty good! Chelsea and SEM watch "The Enterprise Incident," the second episode of Star Trek: TOS season three. That's half of season three that's tolerable already!

Anyway, Spock gets a rare love interest, Kirk needs a nap, and the Commander is your hosts' new collective fav. The Romulans have a point, Scotty's amazing except for his hair, and - did we mention the Commander? 

Jul 12, 2017

jeff comes back to help chelsea and SEM deal with the first episode of star trek: the original series season three, "spock's brain."

 

oh jeez. just ... oh, jeez. oh no. oh boy.

 

note: this episode is out a week late because SGDQ happened. oops? oops.

Jun 28, 2017

At the end of season two, we got an e-mail! We also talked about season 2 and listed our favorite episodes. C'mon down and check it out.

Jun 21, 2017

we watched the final episode of star trek TOS season 2 - "assignment: earth"

it's a failed pilot for a show that never happened, and your intrepid hosts don't need long to figure out why.

chelsea and sem get on a conference call with guest host jeff to talk about conference calls, failed pilots, and stock footage. google teaches us all about half-remembered history. also, there's a cat.

 

bonus: listen to this dope mashup of 99 red balloons x 99 problems

Jun 14, 2017

this episode forces us to dig into the nitty gritty of slavery and also jesus. chelsea doesn't go in depth with marxist theory. modern day rome has a tv station that is a point of contention between the hosts. spock and bones do a lot of fighting for plot purposes. kirk has a dubious interaction with a woman. merikus is a tragic figure, but like, in the classical sense probably?

 

just read the water margin instead of watching this episode of star trek. but definitely listen to this podcast first.

 

CORRECTION: toward the end of the episode - it was emperor constantine, not emperor augustus. 

Jun 6, 2017

 

We watched "The Ultimate Computer" from Star Trek TOS season 2! It was really good!

unionize now and then you can rise from the dead

update: now the file is louder 

May 31, 2017

In this very special Memorial Day episode, which was absolutely recorded that way on purpose, we swear, we watched Star Trek: TOS episode "The Omega Glory." You should absolutely watch "The Omega Glory" ASAP. Please, it is incredible and neither of us can figure out how or why it got made.

 

Things get patriotic, we solve an anatomical riddle of the future, talk about mummies, and recite the pledge of allegiance as badly as possible. There's a bullshit space disease and a mad captain, which would be a fine episode if left on their own, but then ... well ... uh ...  Something something red scare, I don't know.

May 23, 2017

We're still watching season 2 of Star Trek: The Original Series! This time, we watched "By Any Other Name," an episode about horrifying tentacle monsters who basically just look like human beings who make slightly off fashion choices.

This episode is extremely topical because we make references to orbs again, the hot new craze everyone loves and worships. Oh, and the Enterprise gets taken over by secret tentacle monsters or whatever. Seriously, we never see their true forms. Scotty makes a beautiful sacrifice, Kirk is a femme fatale, and Spock is secretly pretty conniving.

Also: the secret origins of our Soundcloud beef REVEALED!

May 18, 2017

it's the nazi episode. there's nazis, but in space! 

this is a weird, weird episode. but it's not bad? there's unsubtle metaphor, non-metaphor, and just so much heil-ing. so much. we barely mention it in the episode, but trust me, it's ever-present in this episode. this is why you don't break the prime directive, kids.

anyway, nazis bad, enterprise good, spock wears a bunch of hats. listen to the episode to hear us puzzle over many things!

May 9, 2017

We're still on season 2 of TOS, folks, the Star Trek season that never ends. This time we watched "Return to Tomorrow."

A terrible man of online haunts this episode like a grim spectre. Bodies are stolen, women are real, and we love orb. Chelsea gets mad at a lot of things this time. SEM knows what's going on, and appreciates the details of science. Neither knows what warp speed actually is.

May 5, 2017

Warning - This episode has some pretty heavy themes, including some very rape-y bits.

Our mission to watch all of Star Trek continues. We're in the middle of season 2, and watched "A Private Little War."

Anyway, hey, this episode sure is a Vietnam War metaphor, huh?????? Boy howdy.

Nona has an amazing vest.

You may notice an episode missing in the feed! Various disasters transpired and that episode is temporarily lost - having the program crash and the file get corrupted TWICE while trying to edit'll put a dent in posting, you dig? It will be up eventually but may be out of sequence.

 

Also, we're so sorry for the delay in posting anything! There were vacations, conventions, the aforementioned crashes and file corruptions, and a bunch of other things that got in the way. Hopefully we'll be back on track now!

Apr 13, 2017

You know that episode of Star Trek: The Original Series where there's just a whole planet full of gangsters? This is that one.

People get kidnapped over and over, the phrase 'a piece of the action' is said about a hundred times, and Kirk wears a terrible hat. There's an entire society based on a novelty oversized book about gangsters. Knife kid is gone too soon.

We love this episode. Please watch it.

Apr 6, 2017

The quest to watch all of Star Trek continues, this time with TOS episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion"...!

Chelsea watched this episode two weeks before the episode and can't decipher her notes, SEM is the only one who can pronounce Ayn Rand, and we all learn important lessons about Jiffy Pop. For once Chekov doesn't want to fuck, synonyms for slavery are discussed, and bets are placed. Also, we have questions about Lars. 

Oh, also dinner trays are great teaching tools.

Mar 22, 2017

we've been doing this show for a year, so to mix things up a little, we read a book!!!!

it's a star trek book, don't worry. it's called "mudd in your eye" and it is certainly a piece of fiction that was published.

by the way, we're taking next week off because chelsea is going on vacation

Mar 14, 2017

this episode is an absolute auditory hell and there's nothing i can do about it. im sorry. we had two guests and things went awry.

kirk lied, tribbles died

both hosts' moms are guests on this episode!!!!!!

Mar 10, 2017

what is a psycho-tricorder help

Mar 1, 2017

We're a podcast dedicated to watching all of Star Trek, forever. Every episode. Even the TOS episode "Obsession."

This time, Leslie dies, a cloud fries, and Kirk ... okay, he doesn't cry, my rhyme scheme's falling apart already. I tried. We learn about cobalt bombs, diamonds aren't that strong, and there's a cloud. This is the worst Moby Dick episode so far.

Feb 24, 2017

I love space socialism with occasional money

 

IMPORTANT REFERENCE MATERIAL AS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE: https://imgur.com/a/c5V4c

 

 

note: chicago is having summer in february so there's A Lot of ambient noise, enjoy

Feb 17, 2017

We're still watching Star Trek: The Original Series. This time, we watched "Friday's Child." This is the one where McCoy has a kid! Sort of!

Scotty longs for blood, McCoy has a baby, and bows and arrows are a surprising technology.Deem slips into Maab's DMs. All this and more happens in this episode! Also your hosts make an awful lot of references to other media in this episode. We're sorry.

The cavalry doesn't come over the hill in the nick of time anymore.

Feb 11, 2017

this episode has spock's dad in it and also a space murder mystery

 

it's extremely good

 

 

Jan 27, 2017

We're still watching the original series! This time, we watched "Metamorphosis" from season two of Star Trek. This is the one where we meet Zefram Cochrane!

New-fangled morals mean it's OK to fuck a cloud, old-fashioned views on gender aside. Ion clouds make you immortal when they want to do romance, historical figures hang out on space rocks, and ... why does the cloud have gender? why

seriously though cochrane romanced a cloud on accident and he gets really mad when he realizes it. i can't deal with this episode. i cant even write a good post about it. what the hell. he gets so mad when he finds out the cloud is a lady. im so confused help hahahahaha

aaaaaa

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