UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home

A weekly Star Trek podcast, discussing every single episode of the series in order, including the original series, the animated series, Next Generation, DS9, Voyager ... you get the idea.
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UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home




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Jun 6, 2017


We watched "The Ultimate Computer" from Star Trek TOS season 2! It was really good!

unionize now and then you can rise from the dead

update: now the file is louder 

May 31, 2017

In this very special Memorial Day episode, which was absolutely recorded that way on purpose, we swear, we watched Star Trek: TOS episode "The Omega Glory." You should absolutely watch "The Omega Glory" ASAP. Please, it is incredible and neither of us can figure out how or why it got made.


Things get patriotic, we solve an anatomical riddle of the future, talk about mummies, and recite the pledge of allegiance as badly as possible. There's a bullshit space disease and a mad captain, which would be a fine episode if left on their own, but then ... well ... uh ...  Something something red scare, I don't know.

May 23, 2017

We're still watching season 2 of Star Trek: The Original Series! This time, we watched "By Any Other Name," an episode about horrifying tentacle monsters who basically just look like human beings who make slightly off fashion choices.

This episode is extremely topical because we make references to orbs again, the hot new craze everyone loves and worships. Oh, and the Enterprise gets taken over by secret tentacle monsters or whatever. Seriously, we never see their true forms. Scotty makes a beautiful sacrifice, Kirk is a femme fatale, and Spock is secretly pretty conniving.

Also: the secret origins of our Soundcloud beef REVEALED!

May 18, 2017

it's the nazi episode. there's nazis, but in space! 

this is a weird, weird episode. but it's not bad? there's unsubtle metaphor, non-metaphor, and just so much heil-ing. so much. we barely mention it in the episode, but trust me, it's ever-present in this episode. this is why you don't break the prime directive, kids.

anyway, nazis bad, enterprise good, spock wears a bunch of hats. listen to the episode to hear us puzzle over many things!

May 9, 2017

We're still on season 2 of TOS, folks, the Star Trek season that never ends. This time we watched "Return to Tomorrow."

A terrible man of online haunts this episode like a grim spectre. Bodies are stolen, women are real, and we love orb. Chelsea gets mad at a lot of things this time. SEM knows what's going on, and appreciates the details of science. Neither knows what warp speed actually is.

May 5, 2017

Warning - This episode has some pretty heavy themes, including some very rape-y bits.

Our mission to watch all of Star Trek continues. We're in the middle of season 2, and watched "A Private Little War."

Anyway, hey, this episode sure is a Vietnam War metaphor, huh?????? Boy howdy.

Nona has an amazing vest.

You may notice an episode missing in the feed! Various disasters transpired and that episode is temporarily lost - having the program crash and the file get corrupted TWICE while trying to edit'll put a dent in posting, you dig? It will be up eventually but may be out of sequence.


Also, we're so sorry for the delay in posting anything! There were vacations, conventions, the aforementioned crashes and file corruptions, and a bunch of other things that got in the way. Hopefully we'll be back on track now!

Apr 13, 2017

You know that episode of Star Trek: The Original Series where there's just a whole planet full of gangsters? This is that one.

People get kidnapped over and over, the phrase 'a piece of the action' is said about a hundred times, and Kirk wears a terrible hat. There's an entire society based on a novelty oversized book about gangsters. Knife kid is gone too soon.

We love this episode. Please watch it.

Apr 6, 2017

The quest to watch all of Star Trek continues, this time with TOS episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion"...!

Chelsea watched this episode two weeks before the episode and can't decipher her notes, SEM is the only one who can pronounce Ayn Rand, and we all learn important lessons about Jiffy Pop. For once Chekov doesn't want to fuck, synonyms for slavery are discussed, and bets are placed. Also, we have questions about Lars. 

Oh, also dinner trays are great teaching tools.

Mar 22, 2017

we've been doing this show for a year, so to mix things up a little, we read a book!!!!

it's a star trek book, don't worry. it's called "mudd in your eye" and it is certainly a piece of fiction that was published.

by the way, we're taking next week off because chelsea is going on vacation

Mar 14, 2017

this episode is an absolute auditory hell and there's nothing i can do about it. im sorry. we had two guests and things went awry.

kirk lied, tribbles died

both hosts' moms are guests on this episode!!!!!!

Mar 10, 2017

what is a psycho-tricorder help

Mar 1, 2017

We're a podcast dedicated to watching all of Star Trek, forever. Every episode. Even the TOS episode "Obsession."

This time, Leslie dies, a cloud fries, and Kirk ... okay, he doesn't cry, my rhyme scheme's falling apart already. I tried. We learn about cobalt bombs, diamonds aren't that strong, and there's a cloud. This is the worst Moby Dick episode so far.

Feb 24, 2017

I love space socialism with occasional money





note: chicago is having summer in february so there's A Lot of ambient noise, enjoy

Feb 17, 2017

We're still watching Star Trek: The Original Series. This time, we watched "Friday's Child." This is the one where McCoy has a kid! Sort of!

Scotty longs for blood, McCoy has a baby, and bows and arrows are a surprising technology.Deem slips into Maab's DMs. All this and more happens in this episode! Also your hosts make an awful lot of references to other media in this episode. We're sorry.

The cavalry doesn't come over the hill in the nick of time anymore.

Feb 11, 2017

this episode has spock's dad in it and also a space murder mystery


it's extremely good



Jan 27, 2017

We're still watching the original series! This time, we watched "Metamorphosis" from season two of Star Trek. This is the one where we meet Zefram Cochrane!

New-fangled morals mean it's OK to fuck a cloud, old-fashioned views on gender aside. Ion clouds make you immortal when they want to do romance, historical figures hang out on space rocks, and ... why does the cloud have gender? why

seriously though cochrane romanced a cloud on accident and he gets really mad when he realizes it. i can't deal with this episode. i cant even write a good post about it. what the hell. he gets so mad when he finds out the cloud is a lady. im so confused help hahahahaha


Jan 20, 2017

We’re back, and still watching Star Trek! This time, it’s TOS episode “I, Mudd.” Chelsea's mom guest stars. This is the one where Mudd ISN'T involved in sex trafficking!

This episode is amazing. Please watch it. Everything about it was custom-designed for your intrepid podcast hosts, including the part where Kirk gets real horny for the Enterprise. Mudd's got fashion, Chekov is a gift, Leningrad is back in the space future, and, right, there's lots of robots. Can't forget the robots. Did we mention that you should watch this one already? Because you should.

Apologies in advance for the audio issues in this episode. 

Jan 5, 2017

We're back, and still watching Star Trek! This time, it's TOS episode "Catspaw." SEM's dad Pete guest stars. This is the one with the giant cat shadow!

A crewman dies, there's a wizard with a dope robe, and some of the most incredible special effects so far happen. Please watch this one if you haven't. It is truly incredible. It's also a Halloween episode! There's a spooky castle and a model skeleton! Also, uh, "racial memory?" Yeah, who knows. Look at Chekov's hair, though, would you?

LLAP, folks.

Dec 21, 2016

im really sick this week so like : we watched an episode that's a moby dick fanfic set during the cold war but also in space. please listen to our good star trek show. we're in the middle of TOS right now, as usual.

next week will probably have no episode. im sorry. its holidays.

this ep was extra-short so there's a lot of errata at the end, enjoy i guess

Dec 14, 2016

The mission to watch all of Star Trek, forever, continues! We're still in the midst of the original series. "The Apple" is a hell of an episode. Get this: it's a bad episode of Trek.

Chelsea is sick and tired, KarnacaCast isn't happening, and SEM is the only person who was paying attention to anything. Chelsea loses it over the medical neglect regarding Vulcan officers. Chekov's gimmick comes into play and it rules. Papier-mâché robot snake cave sets, little orange people, and Kirk experiencing survivor's guilt or something? - it's all here. 


Dec 7, 2016

Long Trek Home got trapped in a parallel universe where everyone is evil, but now the hosts have broken through and the editor has finished editing a weeks-old episode. No one's evil on the podcast, but they sure are on Star Trek's "Mirror, Mirror." Which we watched. Back in mid-November. Look ...

This time, mining rights are debated, Starfleet has questionable safety regulations, and we learn that mirror Uhura wears a really dope uniform. Chelsea misuses the word "opsec" but successfully deploys a fast food marketing slogan. SEM points out how many Kirks there have been. It's a good time.

Listen, share, whatever! We love you.


Nov 16, 2016

We're back, at last! Sorry for the missed week. A whole host of current events happened, y'all! The schedule resumes as usual now. This week - or last week, technically - we watched the Star Trek: The Original Series episode "The Changeling." This is the one with ... well, a computer blows up again.

Kirk has a beautiful cylindrical son and we learn the true meaning of family, which is: destroy your cylindrical boy with logic before he can hurt you. SEM's wife guest stars with us! 

Also, something happens to Uhura this episode that never gets brought up ever again. That's weird, right? It's super weird.


Please enjoy our show. We love you.

Oct 27, 2016

This is a Star Trek podcast. We watched all of TOS season 1. Now we're going to watch season 2.

It has our favorite episodes from season 1, though! We rank them! Please have a nice time!


Oct 18, 2016

We're still watching Star Trek, and this time we've hit the TOS episode "Who Mourns for Adonais?" This is the one with Apollo!

Kirk is a huge Ancient Aliens fan, Chekov rules, a costume requires glue, and we figure out the inspirations behind everything in the show Steven Universe. This is somehow the horniest episode of Trek we've seen yet, and we just did Amok Time. 



Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Omnipotent beings: 9

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Other deaths this episode: 0

Others: 49 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 78 + 1 ship

Oct 11, 2016

Chekov is here! Everyone! We made it to Chekov!

Our mission to watch every episode of Star Trek gets even easier with the advent of our good Russian space friend. This time, we watched the first episode of season 2 of the original series, "Amok Time." The is the one with pon farr!

We rejoice in the advent of Chekov, Spock is a grumpy boy who throws his soup, secrets aren't kept for long, Kirk loves space NPR and is up to date with politics, and, oh, yeah, there's a fight to the death and Spock's mad space horny or whatever. No big deal. Did I mention Chekov yet?


Omnipotent beings: 8

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Other deaths this episode: 0

Others: 49 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 78 + 1 ship

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