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UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home

A weekly Star Trek podcast, discussing every single episode of the series in order, including the original series, the animated series, Next Generation, DS9, Voyager ... you get the idea.
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UNTITLED: The Long Trek Home
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Now displaying: Page 3
Sep 27, 2016

Our effort to watch all of Star Trek forever continues, and we're finally at that one episode Harlan Ellison wrote for TOS. It's the Hugo award-winning "The City on the Edge of Forever!" This is the one where Bones get blotchy! We're joined by SEM's elusive ghost friend David.

Disclaimer: There's some huge audio issues in this episode. I'm so sorry. I did my best.

Anyway, this time, we discover the links between Trek and Mission Impossible, ponder the implications of the Assassins Creed crossover, think about Clark Gable movies, and appreciate the color coding of the cast's outfits. Bones drugs himself, Spock is obviously Chinese, mnemonic memory devices can be made out of garbage, 

Also, SEM reads our first review out loud because it's very good.

Sep 20, 2016

We're still watching Star Trek: The Original series, and we're almost through season one! This time, we watched "The Alternative Factor." This one doesn't have Drew Barrymore's dad in it! Also, Chelsea's mom guest stars again. Go follow her on Instagram.

This time, a guest on the Enterprise isn't immediately given a uniform, psychedelic visual effects are repeated, and an away team goes down to the surface and back at least three times. This episode isn't very good. Of TOS, I mean. Our podcast is good. Please listen to us and don't ever watch this one (again?) unless you're a completist.

TALLIES

Omnipotent beings: 7

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Others: 45 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 74 + 1 ship

Sep 14, 2016

NOTE: THIS VERSION OF THE EPISODE DOESN'T HAVE ANY INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC. THAT FACT WILL NOT CHANGE. I'M SORRY.

-

We're still watching Star Trek, and you can't stop us! Season one of the original series rolls ever onward with its 26th episode, "Errand of Mercy." This is the one where the Klingons show up!

The Organians are Armenia, the Klingons are the USSR, and the Federation is the US military circa 2003. Kirk and Spock get some great costumes, this episode would make a good video game, and Kor is simultaneously cool and sort of a weird racist caricature. There's a lot to deal with in this one, y'all. 

 

IMPORTANT LINKS:

QWOP 

Friends at the Table

TALLIES

Omnipotent beings: 7

Crew deaths: 29 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 6, Unknown Crew: 11)

Others: 45 + 1 Klingon ship (unknown number of crew)

Total deaths: 74 + 1 ship

 

Sep 8, 2016

Our quest to watch every single episode of Star Trek ever continues as we shamble toward the close of the first season of the original series. This week, we watched “The Devil In The Dark." This is the one with the lava monster!

 

Redshirts die, misunderstandings are had, and there's a fiery noise. Some rowdy boys with clubs cause a ruckus and Spock mind-melds with a silicon-based life form. Also, we talk chemistry and geology for a while, because what else do you expect?

 

 

Aug 30, 2016

Our quest to watch every single episode of Star Trek ever continues as we shamble toward the close of the first season of the original series. This week, we watched "This Side of Paradise." This is the one where Spock no longer has tfw no gf!

This time, we learn all about Bertold Rays, Spock catches feelings, Spore is a bad video game, and an important fanfiction trope is born. The week's soft focus blonde joneses for Spock for once, McCoy's southern drawl turns it to 11, and Kirk gets into a fist-fight with Spock to save the Enterprise. It's very good.

 

 DEATH TOLLS + MISCELLANY

Omnipotent beings: 6

Crew Deaths: 28 total (7 Gold, 5 Blue, 5 Red, 11 Unknown)

Non-crew Deaths: 43

Total deaths: 71

 

Aug 26, 2016

We watched "A Taste of Armageddon" from Star Trek: The Original Series this week, and then we talked about it! No guests, just right. This is the one with the serious Cold War overtones!

 

Fox is good at diplomacy but bad at being a decent person, Anan 7 has a number in his name, and a 500 year war is waged by computers. No, it doesn't make much sense. It's still pretty great. 

 

updated numbers to be edited in later

Aug 18, 2016

Our endless mission to watch all of Star Trek continues, this time with "Space Seed." This is the episode with Khan!

 McGivers needs to get her act together and get a better writer, some 90's fashion is predicted almost successfully, and Khan is a very good villain. Now imagine him listening to a Jock Jams cassette tape. History is revealed, timelines confused, and Kirk makes some terrible choices.

 

Total Omnipotent Beings Encountered: 6

Total Crew Deaths: 28 (Gold: 7, Blue: 5, Red: 5, Unknown: 11)

Non-Crew Deaths: 38

Total Deaths: 66

Aug 12, 2016

Hey, it's a Star Trek podcast! We watched The Return of the Archons this week. That's the episode where Spock's got a stylish cloak!

This time, SEM's dad Pete guest stars. Sulu is never the star, things are different in the valley, and what's good for the body is a little puzzling. It is the will of Landru that you will listen to this belated episode.

A note to our listeners: we had to re-record this episode because of a computer crash that ate the first recording. Whoops! It's here now. Shh. It's OK. Next week should be back on track. Hopefully. Maybe?

Death counts/etc will return next week, something went awry.

Aug 3, 2016

Our fifty year voyage to watch every last episode of Star Trek continues apace. This time, we watch "Court Martial," from season one of Star Trek: The Original Series! This is the one with the court martial.

This time, the teaser dares to ask whether or not Kirk will have to be court martialed, the title spoils that he will, and space fashion reigns supreme on Starbase 11. Recusal doesn't exist in space, computers are confusing, and Deep Blue is just a dream in a butterfly's eye. 

Please put Hatsune Miku in Star Trek.

Note: there are some audio issues in this episode.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 6

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 28 (7 gold, 5 blue, 5 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 64

Jul 29, 2016

this is a test

Jul 27, 2016

Our five year mission to watch all of Star Trek continues on apace, this time with the TOS episode "Tomorrow Is Yesterday." This is the one where they time travel again! ... Not the only one.

In this episode, time travel is the best thing to happen to continuity, Kirk is a horny boy, things get rowdy, and Captain John Christopher is not a captain in Starfleet and shouldn't be allowed a uniform. Did we mention how rowdy it gets? Please watch this episode. It really is chicken noodle soup!

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 6

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 28 (7 gold, 5 blue, 5 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 64

 

Jul 20, 2016

Our five hundred year mission to watch all 728 episodes of Star Trek continues with the TOS episode "Arena." This is the one with the gorn!

This time, Chelsea forgets her show notes again, though Memory Alpha saves the day, and we learn way more trivia than usual. Gorn have CGI eyelids, Vasquez Rock guest stars again, and the Metrons get way too many nicknames. Also, Kirk figures out the crafting system way too late in the game.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 6

Crew deaths this episode: 3

Total crew deaths: 28 (7 gold, 5 blue, 5 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 64

Jul 12, 2016

Greetings and felicitations, listeners! Our neverending mission to watch all of Star Trek continues with the Original series episode "The Squire of Gothos." This is the one with the baby Q!

This time, we learn about biomes and ecosystems, Sulu doesn't duel anyone, breaking a mirror doesn't bring bad luck, and your hosts plan a theater production. Also, Kirk plays the most dangerous game and somehow fails to rip his shirt in the process.

And a reminder to subscribe to the show in iTunes, Stitcher, or whatever your favorite podcast-listenin' application is for timely updates because sometimes we forget to update other places?

This, darling, is the Squire of Gothos.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 5

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 25 (6 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 61

Jul 6, 2016

Our five decade mission to watch all of Star Trek continues, with original series episode THE GALILEO SEVEN. This is the one with the giant spears falling from the sky!

 

This week, we learn about quasars and the Folsom point, get sick and tired of Spock's logic, and admire Commissioner Ferris' space fashions. Spears are thrown poorly, half-revealed aliens are less frightening than one might think, and phasers are more powerful than any of us realized.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 3 (2 gold, 1 unknown)

Total crew deaths: 25 (6 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 11 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 61

Jun 29, 2016

Our mission to watch every episode of Star Trek continues with TOS episode 15, "Shore Leave!" This is the one with a terrible faux-Irish song! Sorry about this episode's audio quality.

 

Our boys finally get some rest, we meet a new yeoman, and everyone thinks they're hallucinating or something even though they're clearly not. Spock's stuck on the ship for most of the episode because if he wasn't, everyone would have figured out the game much sooner. Sulu fights a samurai, tiger stock footage is rolled out for our amusement, and no one remembers the word "barrows." Also, the white rabbit shows up!

 

ALSO: SEM's mom joins us to discuss the episode AND to discuss a museum exhibit in Seattle, Star Trek: Exploring New Worlds at the Experience Music Project. 

 

The chill cult mentioned in the episode is the Aetherius Society, by the way. (And cult probably isn't the right word.)

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 4

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 22 (4 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 61

Jun 15, 2016

The neverending story continues and we yet endeavor to watch all of Star Trek forever; this week we talk about Balance of Terror, the fourteenth episode of the original series! What hijinks do the crew of the Enterprise get in this week? Hint: this is the one where we first meet the Romulans!

 

This time, we meet the Romulans, an important lesson about space racism is learned, the story is split between our crew and some new friends we demand fanfic about, and . Kirk and a Romulan commander try to outfox each other, and I refuse to make jokes about Spock's dad. They're facile and boring and we shan't sink that low. Also, we pitch a game to Bioware or Bethesda or whoever.

 

Oh Commander! my Commander! our fearful trip is done

 

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 2 [one is a starfleet officer technically not on the ship]

Total crew deaths: 22 (4 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 5

Total deaths: 61

Jun 7, 2016

As we continue our five trillion year voyage to watch all of Star Trek, we end up watching some Shakespeare instead! I mean, we watch Star Trek: The Original Series episode 13, "The Conscience of the King." It's the one where Lady Macbeth is played by Macbeth's daughter!

 

This time, we ponder space hookups, Kirk pulls a Hamlet (but with less eyeliner), no one tells Spock anything so he googles that shit, and also there's a war criminal. Space fashion plays a critical role, and Riley is almost sympathetic for once. Remember, dear listeners: you never go full Ophelia.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 2

Total deaths: 52

Jun 2, 2016

This week on our five hundred year mission to watch all of Trek in order, it's episodes 11 & 12 of TOS, "The Menagerie!" This is the one that brings the show's episode numbers in line with the podcast episode numbers!

 

We covered both parts in this episode, but completely skipped all the stuff that happened in the Cage. Except for Pike's extra-short bed. Spock does a mutiny, Pike doesn't know Morse code, there are a few issues we're too lazy to touch on, and also other things?!

 

Seriously, we thought this episode was going to end up doubly long, but so much of the runtime is just The Cage. So you get to listen to a double episode that's as long as a regular episode!

 

No updates to the tallies.

May 25, 2016

Our eleventh episode is Star Trek: The Original Series' tenth, The Corbomite Maneuver! This is the one with the spinning cube!

 

This time, we come up with a Hugo-award winning story idea, run the space race, talk about time cube, and find something alarming about space physicals. The Enterprise fires her phasers at an enemy vessel for the first time, Spock tells a joke, and Bailey's secret connection to the Dragon Age franchise is revealed. No wonder they can't wait to get rid of him. 

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 50

May 18, 2016

Join us as we walk about Star Trek: The Original Series episode 9 - The Dagger of the Mind! This is the one with the memory-erasing beam!

 

This time, we talk about ethics in mind alteration, infra-sensory drugs, mental health and prisons, and ridiculous Greek names. Kirk's nerd cred continues to amass itself, Dr. Noel saves Christmas, and space fashion involves psychedelic drapes and cult emblems. Also, panty shots! This one gets relatively heavy because of the subject of the episode, but we still have a great time.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 2 mind-wiped space criminals

Total deaths: 50

 

NOTE: The ID3 tags on this episode might be wonky and misidentify it as episode 11? Sorry about that! It's not. It's episode 10.

May 11, 2016

Bunk bunk! It's to talk about Star Trek TOS episode 8, Miri! BLAH BLAH BLAH.

 

This time, we talk about Yeoman Rand's confusing job, space viruses, Mad Max vibes, inexplicable earth copies, and BLAH BLAH BLAH. There's nigh-immortal space kids in this one, just like in my Japanese animes! Also, important PSAs and press A to JAAAAAAAHHN.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 2 infected pubescent space youths

Total deaths: 48

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

 
May 3, 2016

Another Tuesday, another episode of The Long Trek Home! Thisweek, we watch episode 7 of Star Trek: The Original Series. "WhatAre Little Girls Made Of?" Buddy, if I knew that, I'd be drowningin 'em.

 

This week, we talk about robots. Nurse Chapel stars in athrilling tale of unlovable robots, cool space fashions, andspinning tables. Did we mention the robots? Yeah. Oh, and Kirk getsa space-racist clone for a bit, so that's neat! We really enjoyedthis episode, so come on down and join us on our five million yearvoyage to watch all of Trek in order! A dark secret lurks at theend of this episode. Are you strong enough to survive theexperience?

 

NOTE: Ruk's actor is misidentified as Richard Kiel during this episode. We know that's not who he is. Whoops???

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 2

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 5 androids

Total deaths: 46

 

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Apr 26, 2016

The five hundred year voyage to watch every episode of Star Trek continues, with TOS episode 6, "Mudd's Women." This is the one with ... a lot of terrible things, honestly. Too many things for a pithy one-liner!

 

This episode, we talk about sex trafficking in space, the title of Chelsea's post-rock album, vehicular definitions, drugs, and the importance of the number three. Did we mention the weird sex trafficking vibes? Join Chelsea and SEM as they talk about the worst episode of the series so far! There's also a lengthy tangent about radioactive debacles, because anything's better than Mudd's Women.

 

#SpaceCapitalism #Confirmed #Illuminati

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 18 (2 gold, 4 blue, 2 red, 10 unknown)

Total deaths: 39

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Apr 19, 2016

Our five hundred year mission to watch all of Star Trek continues, and now it's time for Star Trek: The Original Series episode 5, THE ENEMY WITHIN. This is the one with evil Kirk! The first one.

 

This time, we talk about the measure of man, and also the measure of temperature in various scales. Sweaty boys, sex pests with eyeliner, fanfic concepts and the well-earned beach vacation yeoman Rand so desperately needs all feature on today's podcast. This episode has an evil clone and a unicorn dog. It's great.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 18 (2 gold, 4 blue, 2 red, 10 unknown)

Total deaths: 39

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Apr 16, 2016

The five year voyage to watch every episode of Star Trek continues with TOS episode 4, "The Naked Time." This is the one where Sulu takes his shirt off!

 

Sorry for the late episode - Chelsea is sick as a hundred dogs. Enjoy the dulcet tones of a sore throat in this exciting podcast!

 

In another non-pilot episode, we finally meet Nurse Chapel, Uhura is our MVP, and Sulu chases people down hallways with his fencing foil. Poor use of personal protective equipment, space madness, and complex molecules all teach us important lessons in life and science.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 1

Total crew deaths: 18 (2 gold, 4 blue, 2 red, 10 unknown)

Total deaths: 39

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